You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm both gender and math confused
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
