dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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