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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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