i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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