he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
