my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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