Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
