Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
