Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
