Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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