So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
