I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
