If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
