So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
