Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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