do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
