Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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