Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
