enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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