my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
