I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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