I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
