yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
