Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
