I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
