What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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