I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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