glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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