I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
