y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
