go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
