come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
