I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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