He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
