I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its liver damage thursday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
