you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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