Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
