I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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