tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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