A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
