So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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