wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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