i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
