I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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