if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
