Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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