I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
