Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
