Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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