Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
