Don't you send me to vm
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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