Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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