I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
