I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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