yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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