You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
