I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
