My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
