How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want nice things and good sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
