You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
