i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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