Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
