I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
