I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
