Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
