Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
