She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
