thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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