they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize