I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
