smell my finger.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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