is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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